The Dark Side of the Postpartum Mommy

No one warned me about the effects of postpartum hormones could have on a new mom. Everywhere I looked, I saw ads with moms swooning over their new little babies. In movies the women would light up when their tiny infant was in their arms.

And then there was me.

It didn't take as long as the websites all said it would. 3-4 days after birth, that big wave of hormones could cause up to 80% of women to experience baby blues.

I only got 1 night.

The second night in the hospital with my first son, my husband and I were cuddling up our new little addition while the TV played in the background Toy Story 2. The song "When She Loved Me" started to play (you know the part when Emily decides she is too old to play with her cowgirl doll named Jessie...) That's when I lost it.

I couldn't seem to stop the constant stream of tears. I took an hour long soak in the bathtub there in the hospital and just thought. I thought about how my life would never be like it used to. I thought about how I wasn't good enough for this little human. I thought about how this would effect my marriage.

But those thoughts didn't go away after the bath was over.

I cried every day, all day long, for weeks.

I knew I loved this little baby with everything that I had, but I didn't feel like I would ever amount to the mother he deserved. I thought about whether he would be happier with another mom. A "perfect" mom.

Those feelings did fade after a few weeks. But I was absolutely unprepared for what those hormones put me through.

And it happened again (though less intense, and for a shorter time) when my second son was born.

I've started to feel like new moms might need some kind of... warning, you might say. I would have loved for someone to tell me, "You might be emotional after your baby is born. That is okay."

No one should feel like a crummy mom because they need to cry after their baby is born. But who wants to spoil the blissful high of pregnancy?

Maybe some day, a little more information will make it's way to the public, and help new moms realize that they ARE good enough, no matter what those nasty hormones have to say about it.