I've been in relationships. Long ones, short ones, serious ones, ones that didn't work out, and finally, the one that lead me to the wonderful man I call my husband. I pretty much had the basics of relationships down by the time I got into my twenties. Of course I made many mistakes along the way. But some people seem to take a little longer to even grasp the basics. Entering their 30's while still dating like a highschooler.
But don't fear! Here's a basic, easy to follow list of the basics on how to NOT suck at relationships.
1. Don't Assume Anything. Ever.
Don't assume they will take out the garbage. Don't assume they know why you are mad. Don't assume they know how much you care about them. This is only going to get you into some serious trouble right off the bat. Just talk, openly and every day. Are you mad at them? Tell them why. Don't make them ask you 5 times before blowing up at them. Chances are, if they are asking you why you're mad... then they probably don't know why you are mad.
2. Don't Listen to Those Shitty Facebook Pictures.
You've seen them, I've seen them. A picture in black and white, vignette around the edges, and some crummy quote or saying plastered right in the middle. Usually it's something along the lines of "Text her every time you're thinking about her, even if it's 3am. It will make her day." or "If she's mad, pull her close and kiss her."
I'll tell you what, if I get a text at 3am that wakes me up, I will get out of my warm cozy bed, and I will come and find you. Chances are, I will not be happy. Nor would I be happy if you try to kiss me while I'm angry. Not everyone wants this. And if you aren't willing to be the one to do it, then no one should be expected to.
3. Actually, Just Stay off Facebook Completely.
Your significant other should NEVER find out that you're angry at them through social media, for all the world to see. Your friends and family aren't going to be able to fix your relationship, so why are you dishing the details with them (and me)? I don't give a shit that they went out with friends and left you home, or that they picked up hours at work and ditched your dinner date. Hey! Maybe, talk to them about it! I bet they have a better chance at fixing it than me! Chances are, people will either think that you're a shitty person, or will think that your boy/girlfriend is a shitty person. Do you really want that?
4. Don't Expect Diamonds.
Or an XBox, an Ipod, a laptop, a fancy home. It goes right along with the shitty Facebook pictures. Would you blow a weeks worth of your earnings to get them some expense crap? If not, then why are you expecting it? Or hey, maybe you DO think that's how you show affection. Let me give you a few other options.
Grab their plate for them when they are finished eating so they don't have to get up.
Pick up that movie they've been wanting to see on your way home from work and watch it together.
Scrape the ice off their car in the winter before they have to leave for work.
Things that say, "Hey, maybe I didn't buy you a fucking yacht, but I got your back."
5. Don't Go Psycho.
So maybe things didn't work out this time. That happens. Sometimes it ends on a good note, sometimes it's a little messy. Either way, don't turn into a psychopath because it didn't turn into what you wanted. If you start bashing them to Facebook or anyone who will listen, you'll start to be known as a psycho. That doesn't generally start your next relationship off on a good note. Learn from it, let it go, and move on. You'll be just fine.
