Yes, blisters. On my nipples.
Ouch.
But, about three months in, we sorted everything out. No more nipple shields, no more supplementing with formula.
I was so proud of the both of us for working through all the issues and terrible advice. We went on to happily breastfeed until he was about a year old. I was 3 months pregnant with my second son when he weaned himself.
It was a nice, gradual, gentle process for the both of us. Though, I was still sad to see the experience end. But... in six short months I would get to pick up where we left off with number two!
Or so I thought.
When 35 weeks rolled around, I set up a birth plan. I didn't want the same birth that I had with my first son. I had an epidural, 12 hour labor, 2.5 hours of pushing, nurses took him and I didn't get him back (or even get to hold him for the first time) until a few hours after he was born.
I was convinced that all the intervention had something to do with our horrible start to breastfeeding. So this time was going to be different.
And it was!
He was born with no pain medications, placed directly on my chest, the nurses did their business while he was skin-to-skin on me, and we breastfed right away. This time was going to be so smooth!
Fast forward, to the first few days home. Baby boy #2 (lets make this easier, #2 is named Ezra) wouldn't wake up to eat. I tried every suggestion I could find online. Every. Thing.
He would only wake up on his own every 4 hours to eat. On top of that, he struggled with figuring out how to latch.
He lost weight, more weight than what was considered normal. He would latch for about 30 seconds, pull off my breast, get frustrated, root around, and when he couldn't manage to latch back on right away, he would just fall right back to sleep.
I was so scared. The hospital assured me that the sleeping would get better.
About a week in, he became more awake. Ezra now is almost 3 weeks old, and he is still struggling with his latch. It takes a good 15-20 minutes to get him to latch on. This has become extremely frustrating since he wants to eat every 30-60 minutes. I'm barred to the couch 3/4 of the day. I have an 18 month old to chase after, this makes things a little tricky!
But finally, to the heart of the story.
We went shopping today, and like clockwork, Ezra became hungry about 30 minutes in. I have no qualms about feeding in public, so I tried to nurse him in the sling. I tried. And tried. He wouldn't latch. Again.
My husband and I had a serious conversation about the possible, actual, NEED to supplement. (Trust me, I know the horror stories, since my occupation as a breastfeeding counselor.)
We quickly finished up, and ran to the nearest Walmart. Ezra screamed out of hungry frustration all the way there. I bawled in the passenger seat.
All that work, making sure the birth was perfect to get breastfeeding off to the right start.
And I still failed.
I didn't want to sacrifice my baby's virgin gut. I didn't want supplementing to hurt my supply. I didn't want our breastfeeding journey to end.
Hubby ran in and bought the small pack of pre-mixed formula.
But I couldn't bare to use it. We pulled off to the pack of the parking lot and I spent the 15-20 minutes to latch him on, and he did eat. All while my 18 month old sat impatiently in his carseat.
I felt a little better. We weren't cracking open the formula. Not just yet anyway.
Although Ezra was still hungry after that good long feed, I strapped him back into the carseat and we headed home.
The formula sits up in our cabinet for now. I'm hoping to keep trucking through these challenges and end up throwing it out. I hope. We will see what the new day brings.
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